Wednesday, November 21, 2012

new tomorrow

i'm really excited.
like, the holidays are coming up and i'm actually... really excited. the cold air outside. christmas music playing. all the festive stuff up in stores already. the food. the feeling.
like, i'm excited. i haven't felt this way about this stuff since i was a little kid. i guess i sorta lost the excitement when i got older and things got harder when it comes to holidays... but this year, i feel happy about what's coming and actually want to do stuff and not just sit around and watch it go by. every year.
i guess you could say i'm fixing myself up by saying that whatever happens, i'll be okay.
what do you love about the holidays? favorite memory? feeling?
happy thanksgiving, guys :)

Sunday, November 4, 2012

what it's like

I see him every Sunday. In youth group.

He sits in the very back row with two of my friends, but if they're not there, he sits alone.

I've been in youth group for three years. He has too. I always knew he was there, but I never talked to him. Never really have noticed he was around because he hangs out with the high school girls because the high school guys don't.

He's adorable. A pretty boy. Seems nice, funny, but quiet...

He doesn't talk much. And when he does, you can barely hear him.

I talked to him once. This past August. At VBS. My friend who usually hangs out with him every Sunday was talking to him, but she left. I thought he'd leave because I didn't think he would be interested in talking to me, but he stayed. And he did talk to me. We talked about music.

I think he likes music. Because every time I see him sitting alone, he's got his earplugs in. Listening. Hood up, and he's gone.

But ever since that day we talked, I notice when he walks in the room. He notices when I am there. But I am too scared to go up and say "hi" to him. So what we do is we wave at each other. I see him when he walks in the room and I wave. He sees me, and he waves. He doesn't say "hi" either, but he's so quiet, he doesn't say much anyway.

I play piano on the worship team in my youth group and from where I am, I can see him sitting there in the back row. He watches me and listens... because he likes music, I think.

Last week, I was standing by the entance of church, when I saw him leave. I had people surrounding me, trying to tell me stuff, when I saw him look at me one last time and go. With his dad, out the door and he was gone.

I never see his mom.


Monday, October 29, 2012

currently, my life

Hello, my dears! I saw this post on Busy Bee Lauren a few weeks ago and I thought I'd bring it here... So, wondering what's up? Here's life:
currently, I am snacking on this:
[halloween candy. oh my goooooooooooooo---]
currently, I am smelling this:
**my house.**
currently, I am  listening to this:
[Viva la Vida. An amazing album by my favorite band of all time, Coldplay. I love all their albums, but this one happens to be one of my favorites. It is seriously beautiful and I love listening to it in the morning...or when I feel sad because this music makes me feel so much better.]
currently, I am reading this:
[I can't seem to read a book because there are so many I want to read that I don't have. So I have been sort of rereading a lot of the books I love and own. Like, right now I'm debating if I should reread the Hunger Games. Geez. Anywho, these books are the ones I really would like to read. Erg.]

currently, I am thinking about this person:
[His name is Jackson, but they call him Jack. I barely know him, but I do know who he is now. I met this little person at a park by my grandma's house when I was there this summer. In August. There was a jazz concert going on at the park, so the whole grass field was filled with people. Including him and I think his... grandma? He kept on coming up to me and throwing ping pong balls at me. He was adorable. I took a picture of him because I wanted to remember him. I wonder how he is now. His ...grandma... told me he had just learned to walk. I wonder how much he has learned now.]

Thursday, October 18, 2012


When I was up at my grandma's house this year, I found a bunch of photo albums full of old photographs. There were a lot of my dad and my Aunt Lisa, as well as my grandma and grandpa...and of some family members I didn't ever know I had. haha I took a bunch of pictures of my favorites because I really want to remember these photos. For some reason, they are really special to treasures :) Here are a few,
I love these. They make me wonder what it would have been like to know my dad when he was growing up. Dude, that would have been awesome.


Friday, October 12, 2012

Am I.

It's that moment when someone calls you something your not, makes fun of you, or looks at you like you're nothing... and it feels like they sucked the air out of you. For just a short time, you're stuck in that moment - replaying those words or their expression over and over again in your mind. Feeling the words sink down...slowly, just feeling it fall over you. Their face just stuck in your head. And when you're in your bed at night, you're staring at your ceiling, watching the fan rotate endlessly, and you can't fall asleep because what they said or did is still echoing in your mind. And you wonder if that's really who you are. If I'm really what they said.
Am I.   

Friday, October 5, 2012

books to read before i die

Between school and my insane life, I read books. There are so many I want to read...ugh, it's crazy. It gets to the point where I can't decide on which one I want to read, and in the end I start reading like, Peter Pan (like I'm doing right now). And which, by the way, I think I freaking love PETER PAN. Love him. No joke, people. In the meantime... these are some books I plan on reading before I die:
I heard about this book a few months ago and I am already in love with it. And yes, I heard about it before it turned into a movie, just letting you know. Now that the movie has come out, I'm just like I-need-this-book-so-I-can-read-it-love-it-and-go-see-the-movie. Anyway, I've read a little bit of this book and I love the main character, Charlie. He writes letters hoping that whoever he sends them to understands and hears what he's saying. I can relate a lot to his character. And plus, he writes. How can I not love him?

And there's Chris Evans. ... 
It sorta has a stupid name (I mean, c'mon, Nanny Diaries?), but it's a movie & a book, and I love it. I saw this movie over the summer when it randomly showed up on the Hallmark channel and I nearly cried over this little kid Grover and totally freaked out over Harvard Hottie...which happened to be Chris Evans. kill. me. now.  The movie ends and I found out it's a book!? Looked it up. Amazing. Must read this book. Must.

I dunno. It just sounds like a good book. And it's has Newberry medal. Means this book is some good stuff.

Anywho, what have you been wanting to read? What's your favorite book that you've ever read? Do tell, do tell :)


Friday, September 28, 2012

such a loner.

If I could tell you anything...anything at all, I would tell you that lately everything seems quiet and just....lonely. So many people that I've called my friends for so long are slowly...drifting away I guess. But the sad part that I've told myself over and over again that they were really there for me, that they weren't fake, and as I've started to pull away from them I've realized they haven't really ever been there for me. They didn't even notice I'm gone. That I'm missing.
I've always been the sort of person who watches from the oustide looking in. I've seen a lot of different people and have seen them go by.
I'm such a loner. Going to try and find a new crowd. In the meantime... hello reader, whoever you are.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

thirteen things i love about fall

Today is September 22nd. 2012. It's the first day of autumn and I am soo happy!! Is it just me or has anyone else been literally dying for fall? I'm a girl living in LA so fall takes awhile to come around...after awhile, all this heat has been driving me crazy. I want some cool weather, some wind, and especially rain. I love rain. Anyway, over at Wild Olive, Mollie posted a "13 Things I Love About Fall" post and I thought I'd do it too. Cuz..why not? ;)

Number One. sweaters & soft, yarny stuff.
Number Two. the wind & rain.
Number Three. the changing leaves...all those colors, so prettay. especially when falling to the ground. i love watching that. just one of those things... ;)
Number Four. apple caramel cider at starbucks!! perfect time for it, yuumm.
Number Five. can't forget hot cocoa, right? with a lot of marshmellows, of course.
Number Six. mmk, i already know i've already said leaves, but i'm saying leaves again. i think running through leaves, walking on them, & jumping in them is like, awesome.
Number Seven. getting a big fuzzy blanket or quilt & watching a movie or reading a book.
Number Eight. halloween & thanksgiving.
Number Nine. going to forever 21 & seeing all those cute fall clothes...
Number Ten. my birthday is during fall! november 11th - mark your calendars people. (hehe just kidding. unless you want to. then seriously, do. haha)
Number Eleven. hoodies.
Number Twelve. that warm feeling inside... might just be me again.
Number Thirteen. just fall. i just love everything about fall.

Monday, September 17, 2012

it's time for a new do

Usually, I'm not one to want to get a haircut. The last time I got one was probably like...I don't even know because it was so long ago. Probably like over a year ago. Crazy. Fast forward, and it's now. Emma's hair is pretty much deformed. It's lost its shape. So now, I'm in desperate need (it's the truth) for some style for my hair. I've looked up some hairdos I like, observe:    
I like this one because of the long layers. Can you see them? She doesn't have long, long hair but it's layers. My hair is a little longer than hers and I think I want to trim it a small, small amount but...I dunno. Ugh, I hate decisions. :/
(random fact: Hilary Duff was like my childhood idol. just sayin')
I like this one because of her side bangs. They're long and I'd want mine to sorta "feather" to the side or whatever you want to call it. I used to have side bangs but they have really outgrown. I think I want to trim them a little bit but not where they are thee real deal side bangs. Know what I'm saying? Like, I used to have side bangs when I was younger and I liked having them, but then it got to the awkward stage where they're growing longer and then they're all over the place and it just. does. not. work. They were sorta like this, just not as full: 
So yeah. No Carrie Underwood side bangs. Period.

Have you got your hair done lately? Or you want to? What did you do\want to do? I feel like I'm in a way really changing up my look. I wear glasses (uh. it's been a year. one year.) and I just got contacts. I haven't been able to get them in but I'm slowly getting better at sticking the thing onto my eyeball. I know. I'll get there. Slowly but surely, right?


Thursday, September 13, 2012

andrew garfield's hair

Hello, I'm Emma and I have the most boring blog ever.

There's probably no one reading this right now... that should be like, my blog motto. There's no one reading this. Yup. It's just me and my blog, having a big party time. Woop, woop... I know, I don't post a lot. I have a boring life, or at least that's what I think, and so it might not be true. So most times when I try to write something up it ends up in clicking delete, delete, delete because it's just...nothing.
So hello reader, if you are one. If there is one. I'm gonna write something today.
Something called...awkward moments. For example, I saw this today on tumblr and it pretty much sums up my life.
so today i talked to a cute boy
and asked him what kind of pasta he liked
haha Exactly. Like yesterday I was at some place I'm not going to tell you and this guy walks by with thee Andrew Garfield HAIR.
Mmmhm. My friend says when stuff like this happens, I stare. No, not true. I stare with style and class. I observe. And besides, he does have good hair. It's so good I'm making it the title of this boring post. And plus putting that gif of Emma Stone confirming all of this random stuff.

You get what I'm saying?

Anyway, this all I have to say. I know, it's stupid and I'll probably delete this soon, but these are my random thoughts at the moment...enjoy?


Saturday, September 1, 2012

seven questions (sorta late)

Hello! Today I'm linking up once again with the lovely Gentri Lee for a sorta late round of seven questions... Ready? Here goes...

My funny picture...yeah, it's not me. Sorta wished I looked like the girl though. But, this is like my favorite scene in The Notebook. Kills me every time. haha :)
1. Hamburger or Hotdog? (veggie versions count)
Hamburger. Always. Hotdogs are okay but hamburgers are the best. Can't lie.

2. If you had to live on any other planet in our solar system, besides Earth, which one would you choose?
Probably Mars. It's the planet a lot of scientists dream about people living on (right?? haha), so... um. haha Besides, I think it would be sorta cool to say, "I live on Mars." Just sayin' 

3. Share a photo of an outfit that represents your personal style, please. (doesn't have to be of you)
I couldn't find a complete outfit sooo, I just found several different photos. Yup. Check them out...
  Oversized sweaters. Sweaters. Anything yarny and soft.
Bows & lace.
Skinny jeans. 
 4. Would you rather get ready for the day or get ready for bed?
Depends on my mood. Sometimes I would say, getting ready for the day because I think it's fun to pick out my clothes and do my hair and all that stuff. But other times, I'm just a lazy poop so I would say getting ready for bed. You choose. :) 

5. You have to choose between never having eyelashes or never having eyebrows, which would you choose?
Definitely not having eyelashes! No eyebrows would just not work for my face. Eyebrows are required in my life. :) 

6. What do you want to be when you grow up?
As of right now, I want to be a writer. But I also really like youth ministry stuff, so maybe that too... we'll see what happens. 

7. Do you set your clocks right on time, or a few minutes ahead or behind?
Psh, on time! I like to know what time it really is...though pretty much all the clocks in my house are ahead or behind like a minute or something. It's crazy. haha 


Thursday, August 30, 2012

let it go.

let it go.
When people have prayed for me before, a lot of times it goes along the lines of letting go. Letting go of what has happened to me in my past. Letting go of the hurt and moving on because...when I move on there's something big waiting for me. But I haven't been able to let go. It's almost seemed impossible. Let it go, let it go, let it go... But it's like, my past is all I've ever known. If I let go, I feel like I'm losing something. 
let it go.
I woke up this morning and the first words I get it my head are, "Let it go." I was reading a book a few days ago and the guy in the book said, "Let it go." I have this one line in a song stuck in my head and it's, "Let it go."
I'm getting tired. Tired of holding on to the past, my past. I'm tired, tired, tired. For so long I've held onto it like a security blanket, even though I really do hate some of the stuff that's happened to me. I've wanted to let go, but I haven't been able to. I want to. I want to.
let it go.
There's gotta be something more. More than this. There's gotta be something to hope for. I don't want to keep falling back into the past. I hate that place. That sad place where the bad memories start rushing back. I don't want it anymore. There's gotta be something more. More, more more...
let it go.
Yeah, sure the past is my past. But I don't want it to label me. Not anymore. It's time to deal with problems. My friend, McKenna, gave me this picture of a forest. From the outside it looks like this huge forest but each, individual tree is just a tree. Not as strong as you think. Each tree is a problem and one by one, it won't be that hard to knock it down. Goodbye problems.
let it go.
take that first step. C'mon. There's so much more than what you're going through. Hold onto what's coming than what's happened. What's coming has so much more in store for you. So much more. Good things will happen. You have so much more potential in you. You're worth it. Stop telling yourself that you're not.
just let it go. let it go. you'll be okay. safe.
favorite song right now :)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

goodbye summer...

Summer is gone and done. I am so sad! I feel like this summer came and went soo fast - too fast. Like it was all a blur. I had finals, then boom! Crazy summer. Doing stuff everyday, every week. I think there was only one week that I did completely nothing. Yeah, one week. Probably the best week of my summer. ha :) Remember the list I made of things I wanted to do during these two months? (check out list here) Well, this is what really happened...
  • Go places. That I did. A lot. I just went up to Sacramento to see my grandma. I went to Mexico. Lake Tahoe. Yosemite. And some other places, I think.
  • Shop. Yes! I went shopping a lot when my cousin Hannah came down for a week. She loves shopping (I mean, loves) so we also went down to the...
  • LA Fashion District. So much fun.
  • Sleeping in. Sadly, that didn't happen a lot. There were so many things I was doing that I didn't really get the chance to sleep in late... Buuummmmmmer.
  • Friends. I didn't get the chance to hang out with all my friends either this summer. Let down. Though a lot of the stuff I did, my friends did too, so we'd get to hang out while we were doing stuff, like helping out with VBS.
  • Take pictures. I did a lot of that! I don't know why I haven't posted any of them yet, Emma. And I've been going to so many places. Geez. I should have this humongous post with all of them to make up. Though at the moment (and this whole past year) my computer's been having this long, slow uploading a lot of pictures has been rather a problem. Poop.
  • Read The Hobbit. That didn't happen. Barely at all. (I'm sorry, McKenna!! I'm sorry) I almost finished the first chapter and then I was done. I know, I know. My friend McKenna will probably force me to listen to her read it out loud because she loves it so much. haha In the meantime, I'm going to make this a life goal. Hopefully I'll read this book before I die. Hopefully...... I did read a few books though. It's called The Charmed Life series and I love them.
 <---- it was that one. It's a series of three and this copy has all three in one. Pretty snazzy looking, I must say.
All in all, hello school and


Friday, August 17, 2012

right now.


So, I'm actually out of town right now... and will be for another week. A week right before I'm back in school and all that jazz. Meh.  But, hey, I'm at my grandma's house... and I love my grandma. :) In a few days, we're planning on a going on a short trip somewhere, so if I happen to take any decent pictures, I'll try and post them up here so you can see where I've been. 

In the meantime... 

I went to see "Snow White and the Huntsman" this afternoon... I really liked it. :) Favorite line: You can't have my heart. That was the best. Love, love, LOVE. In the credits they played a song by one of my favorite singer peoples (or whatever you want to call her.. ;) and so, personally, I think you should listen to it. Right now.

  Mmk? Thanks. ;)

Oh, and have you heard this new song yet? Yup, it's by the lovely Taylor Swifty and even though I'm not a huge Taylor Swift fan, I like it. It's pretty cool beans, I must say. 

Anywho, what's been you favorite song lately? Leave the link to it and I'll listen to it. :)

;) emma 

Friday, August 10, 2012


i've been trying to figure out who i am.

and it's so hard. I don't know how many times its happened to me when someone will say something to me that really hurts. Automatically in my head, I think that what they're pointing out about me is a flaw. Because if it's so's bad?

I'm really white. Like, my skin could glow in the dark (okay, maybe not..but still). And so, people will tell me stuff like, "Anyone compared to you, Emma, is tan."  

or they'll tell me that i have bony shoulders.

or a weird voice.

or a smile that isn't as good as hers.

or that i look so lost that i could just "blow away" in the wind.

So...what do I do? I...I get really, really insecure. Sometimes I avoid talking about some things just because I don't want those people to judge I don't have to feel bad about whatever it is...even if it's really stupid.

or i just try to cover it up. whatever they said about me, i try to hide.

And I don't think people realize that what they say - can stick with a person for a long time.. a really long time.  So to all of us who have been put down by these sort of things - we're facing a challenge. I know - you think about all the negative stuff people have told you,  and it's so easy to believe. It's so easy to convince yourself\myself to try and change. To change for someone else. I believe what people say. I do. I do all the time, but I don't want to anymore. 

But I don't want to anymore, cause c'mon -  

You have no idea how lovely you are.

It's time to say "no". No to all that crappy stuff and just say that you are lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely...

you are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
-song of songs 4:7-


Thursday, August 9, 2012



"Hold onto me as we go...

as we roll down this unfamiliar road...
and although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone.

Cause I'm gonna make this place you're home.

Settle down, it'll all be clear,
Don't pay no mind to the demons...
Cause they'll fill you with fear,

The trouble it might drag you down,
if you get lost,
you can always be found.

Just know you're not alone...
cause I'm gonna make this place your

-'home' by phillip phillips-


Thursday, August 2, 2012

7 Questions

Today, I'm linking up with the lovely Gentri Lee for this week's 7 questions! Her blog is adorable - you can check it out here. :) So, here goes...

(this is random, I know. sorry \source/)

1. It's the first day of August- Are you savoring the Summer or ready to jump into Fall?
I don't feel like I've actually had an actual summer life right now is like a blur to me. But, I really do want to jump into fall. I love the cold... the time where you have to wear jeans and sweatshirts and all that awesome fall stuff. :)

2. You need a quick and healthy meal, what do you make?
Um. I eat... I don't know.

3. You're at the mall, how do you shop?
When I go to the mall, I usually look around in a few stores and if I really, really, really like the item and it has a good price, I buy it. That's how I roll.

4. Would you rather buy a new house or renovate an old one?
You know...I'm not sure. I think I'd want to renovate an old one, just because I like old houses and then I could add my own style to it and stuff.

5. Long hair or short hair?
Since I have to pick one, I'd pick long. Though I like a length somewhere in between long and short.

6. Who is your oldest (not by age) friend?
I'd say...I think Kaitlin and McKenna.

7. What is your favorite blog- currently?
Busy Bee Lauren. You should check it out.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

emma stone & andrew garfield

So......these people are the most perfect couple of all time. Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield. Let's all just take a moment and look at the picture above. Notice the smile. Yes, yes. And then notice Emma Stone and him all together. ............I can't take it. So...I've been slightly obsessed, okay?

I just saw "The Amazing Spiderman" a few weeks ago and, personally, I thought it lived up to it's title completely. It was seriously amazing. I could and still can not get enough of it. Although, I've heard a lot of people say that it wasn't as good as the Tobey Maguire versions...I loved it and honestly, I think this Andrew Garfield version was way better. I think the movie totally captured Spiderman's jokey personality and just Peter Parker was...amazing. So okay, I love Andrew Garfield...I'm sorry.. ;)
And then there's Emma Stone. My favorite actor right now. I heard some people say they didn't think she did a good job in the Amazing Spiderman but I thought she did great. I also loved her other movie, "The Help." Maybe you watched it...if you didn't, you should. It's like... ah, so good. Tell me when you watch the Help, mmk? Plus, she is so pretty! I can't take it. Can I please look like her?   
So, um, this is Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield...

And this is me.

Now here is just some random stuff I have been obsessing over because of this Andrew Garfield guy.

Have you seen the Amazing Spiderman? Please, if you have, tell me... I'd love to hear what you think. Oh, and especially what you think of Andrew jrlasdkfjas;ldkjf Garfield k;adlskfajslkdfja. Okay? I'm done now. Bye.