why I've been gone

So...Hi.

I don't know really what to say. Or really what to talk about. Or anything. I don't know what I should tell you guys and what I shouldn't. But all I can say is that these past couple months have been really hard for me. If that's one thing I can say straight, that's it. Honestly, they've sucked. Which is an even stronger word than hard but it's the truth.

How many months? My last update was over a month ago, plus four months, and then add two more months while I was still around... that's a total of seven months. These past seven months have been some of the crappiest couple months so far and it's not because bad stuff happened to me or anything during this time... I think it was more because my emotions finally caught up from all this crap that happened to me when I was younger and I got overwhelmed because the emotions were so strong. And I don't know... when bad stuff happens to you, you don't forget. You don't forget how you felt, or who it was, why it happened. You don't. You just...don't.

And I guess, it got so bad inside, I finally broke. And I got into this depression, that kills me everyday. Seven months have gone by and all I can really say is, these have probably been some of the loneliest months of my life. I'm fourteen, so I don't know if I've experienced the worst of what may happen in my lifetime, but I don't know. Since I was a little kid, I don't ever remember being genuinely happy but never genuinely sad. I was sort of naive, and gullible. And a kid. I was a kid. So I did kid stuff and felt kid feelings. I don't know.

And then fourteen years go by and suddenly memories start coming back and the reality of my life comes to my head and I got incredibly sad. Incredibly, incredibly sad.

Though dude... I've got help now. And I'm working through my problems and I'm slowly getting better now. So, don't worry guys... I haven't been posting because I've been a really crappy person, who doesn't feel like doing anything with her life. All I've wanted to do for the past seven months is sleep, read books, and listen to music all day. So, hi, I'm back and I'm gunna try and write about stuff now. Like old times, okay? I mean... maybe this will be good for me. Go back to what I used to do.

So yeah: update. Couple months ago I told you about that guy....right? Well, luckily over these past couple months I've at least done one thing with myself. So um, we're friends now and it's really cool. We talk and stuff and it's great. haha So, I'm changing his name on this blog. But I'm sure I'll tell you more about him in future posts hopefully. haha Okay, so I'm calling him Dude on this blog. Kay? You cool with that? haha Cool:)

What I'm Reading Right Now: Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
What I'm Listening to Right Now: Tyler, the Creator's new album Wolf
Favorite Magazine Right Now: Nylon. Nylon is the best magazine evahh!!

Anyway, so yeah. haha What's up guys? I'm thinking about changing the url soon so, keep checking and I'll post the new url. Then change it.

Emma