lovely

{source}

i've been trying to figure out who i am.

and it's so hard. I don't know how many times its happened to me when someone will say something to me that really hurts. Automatically in my head, I think that what they're pointing out about me is a flaw. Because if it's so obvious...it's bad?

I'm really white. Like, my skin could glow in the dark (okay, maybe not..but still). And so, people will tell me stuff like, "Anyone compared to you, Emma, is tan."  

or they'll tell me that i have bony shoulders.

or a weird voice.

or a smile that isn't as good as hers.

or that i look so lost that i could just "blow away" in the wind.

So...what do I do? I...I get really, really insecure. Sometimes I avoid talking about some things just because I don't want those people to judge me...so I don't have to feel bad about whatever it is...even if it's really stupid.

or i just try to cover it up. whatever they said about me, i try to hide.

And I don't think people realize that what they say - can stick with a person for a long time.. a really long time.  So to all of us who have been put down by these sort of things - we're facing a challenge. I know - you think about all the negative stuff people have told you,  and it's so easy to believe. It's so easy to convince yourself\myself to try and change. To change for someone else. I believe what people say. I do. I do all the time, but I don't want to anymore. 

But I don't want to anymore, cause c'mon -  

You have no idea how lovely you are.

It's time to say "no". No to all that crappy stuff and just say that you are lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely...

you are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

-song of songs 4:7-

emma